Saturday, February 05, 2011

Quote du jour

From @mikeopedia: "I hate when someone tries to shoot you and you deflect the bullet with a sword and nobody you know sees it. This happens to me all the time."

Mind you, it's equally cool if'n you do it off of the big metal cuff bracelets, too.

Friday, February 04, 2011

When life hands you lemons...

This is a fine example of how a positive attitude can make your life better. I am told it's from Chicago during Snowpocalypse 2011.


Maps of Ancient London

This article shows hand-drawn maps of London from the post-Roman/pre-Norman period. What I find particularly fascinating is how the names of people and places translated to place names now, such as Totinge (Tottenham), Brixges Stan (Brixton), and Grenewic (Greenwich). Some of these come from the names of people or things 1500 years ago: Wemba Lea, Wemba's forest clearing, is now Wemberley, and a cheese farm, Ces Wican, is now Chiswick.

Here's the entire map of London in high-res. It's worth a look.


Wednesday, February 02, 2011

Can you tell if you're a sex addict?

OMG, it's yet another bunch of fucked-up self-denying Christian wackos who are going to (stop me if you've heard this before) Stamp Out Porn: the

Gasp. ~yawn~

What brought this to my attention is that Matt Hasselbeck, the Seahawk extraordinaire has joined up with this group of dum-dums. They're going to stamp out porn by... um... the power of good thoughts and clean living, as near as I can tell. They're against sex before marriage, homosexuality, and the usual laundry list of perversions, personal habits, and so on. And it's all the Internet's fault, too! And liberals! And post-modernism!! We need more fundamentalist Christianity to combat these loose morals!! BY GOD, LET REAGAN BE REAGAN!!!!!!

You know, as I write this, I realized that there's a real "white knuckle" feeling to the website. There's a definite problem in some people with an unhealthy addiction to Internet porn and so on, but I'm thinking they're busy trying to repress the thought that they're horny because they're not getting laid at home and they don't know what to do with all that energy. But 'tain't Christian somehow, so it's eeeee-villl. You know, Utah is the state with the most online porn subscriptions, so if there's any connection to be drawn between religiosity and porn, it seems to be that the more uptight you are, the more you're likely to buy porn. But hey, that's just me.

These folks at have even thoughtfully provided a Sexual Addiction test. You should consider taking it, because, then you'd like, uh, know. The only problem is that the test is utter flaming horseshit. I've grabbed some of my favorite questions (they're all Yes/No) and put down answers. You may be able to spot the problem with their test right away.

3. Do you often find yourself preoccupied with sexual thoughts?
A. Of course; I'm male.

9. Are any of your sexual activities against the law?
A. Probably, but anti-oral sex laws are still on the books in many primitive states, like Georgia. I'm smart enough so that I don't have to live there.

11. Do you hide some of your sexual behaviors from others?
A. "Um, no, gee, I feel perfectly comfortable randomly jerking off in front of strangers when the mood takes me." [What a stupid question!]

13. Have you felt degraded by your sexual behaviors?
A. Just the ones where I wanted to be.

15. Do you feel controlled by your sexual desire?
A. (See #3.)

19. Has sex (or romantic fantasies) been a way for you to escape your problems?
A. Yes, just like EVERYONE ELSE. Getting laid or a good wank is a wonderful stress relief and who hasn't done that at some point?

24. I have purchased services online for erotic purposes (sites for dating, pornography, fantasy and friend finder).
A. I met and married The Babe because I was on dating sites.

28. I have subscribed to or regularly purchased or rented sexually explicit materials (magazines, videos, books or online pornography).
A. Yes, I used to buy Penthouse Letters regularly in the late 80s. Which I didn't read for the articles, I'll tell yuh! And???

29. I have been sexual with minors.
A. When I was one, although truth be told I liked older women then, too.

42. I have cruised public restrooms, rest areas or parks looking for sex with strangers.
A. Not really, but do bars and music events count?

44. My sexual behavior has put me at risk for arrest for lewd conduct or public indecency.
A. Not frequently, but it sure is fun when you get a little daring sometimes.

45. I have been paid for sex.
A. If someone was willing to have sex with me, I'd gladly give it away for free. Why throw a stupid obstacle in the way of getting laid?

This is all just a variation on abstinence-only education, which is another colossally stupid idea. We have 2000 years of experimental data to prove that this doesn't work, so I wish they'd come up with something new. But if they were bright enough to come up with something new, they'd probably be bright enough to see their own bullshit. I don't think they qualify.

Offensive drawing.

As David Darnell observed, "I have such a dirty mind, I fail the Rorschach test of these drawings. I see all the 'dirty' stuff!"


Tuesday, February 01, 2011

Nerd jokes du jour

Here's a collection of silly nerd jokes:

Some helium drifts into a bar. Bartender says: "Sorry, we don't serve noble gasses here." The helium doesn't react.

A neutron comes into a bar, asks for a drink. The bartender pushes a shot of scotch over the bar to the neutron, who asks "How much?" The bartender says "Hey, for you, no charge!"

Q. Why did the chicken cross the möbius strip?
A. To get to the same side.

A neutrino walks into a bar. The bartender says "We don't have anything for neutrinos here." The neutrino says, "I'm just passing through."

Werner Heisenberg: great physicist, terrible lover: When he had the right position, he didn't have the right speed. Whenever he had the energy, he never had the time.

The tachyon leaves. The bartender says "We don't serve tachyons." A tachyon enters a bar.

A hydrogen atom walks into a bar and says "Gimme a drink; I just lost my electron!" The bartender says "Are you sure?" The hydrogen atom says "Yes, I'm positive!"

A. To get to the other side.
Q. Why did the tachyon cross the road?

Why did Heisenberg hate driving?
Because every time he looked at the speedometer, he got lost.

‎"Physics is like sex: sure, it may give some practical results, but that's not why we do it." - Richard Feynman.

Quote du jour

From @BuzzEdition, quoting @BrianLynch: "Charlie Sheen's going to continue rehab from home. Throw a Karsdashian in and you have E!'s newest reality show hit."

Sunday, January 30, 2011

Capture funnies

We're all familiar with those capture widgets that come up to prevent spam on contact forms. I was emailing a company today about something and the capture widget came up... and one of the words was in Greek!

I was curious what I could get by asking it to pronounce this, so I clicked the "say it out loud" function. Frankly, I'd be better trying to figure out the Greek equivalents on the keyboard than trying to figure out how to type this.

Quote du jour

"The day Microsoft builds something that DOESN'T suck, it will be a vacuum cleaner."