Friday, June 26, 2009

Michael Jackson jokes are happening....

They're popping up....

Due to the fact that Michael Jackson was 99% plastic when he died, he's being melted down into Lego blocks so children can play with him for a change.

REEEEEEEALLY tasteless joke!

This is so totally tasteless... but y'gotta admit that this is comedy gold we're mining here!


So, Farrah Fawcett dies. She gets up to the Pearly Gates and there's a huge crowd there to welcome her. St. Peter says "Head right in!"

A crowd of angels escorts her in and takes her right to the Celestial Throne.

God stands up, comes down and hugs her, and says "My child, you were a wonderful entertainer. I'm sorry you had a painful end, but all your suffering is now behind you. You may have anything you wish."

Farrah says "Anything?"

God says "Anything. What would you like as your heavenly reward?"

Farrah thinks a moment and says "I want all the children in the world to be safe."

And God says "Fine!" and killed Michael Jackson.

Thursday, June 25, 2009

Quote du jour

"Ever notice that 'What the hell' is always the right decision?" -Marilyn Monroe

Homeland Security, by any other name...

...would be just as bad. The original Department of Homeland Security was something from Germany in the 30s and early 40s, with the “Abteilung der Heimat-Sicherheit” ("Department of Homeland Security"). What I hadn't stopped to consider was that the Soviet "Komitet Gosudarstvennoy Bezopasnosti” (better known as the KGB) translates as "Committee for State Security." There's a lovely short piece about this obsession with "security" here.

Monday, June 22, 2009

Add this clause to your next contract

C. Responsibilities of Consultant

Consultant shall observe and abide by all laws, rules, and regulations of the federal, state, city, and municipal governments (and subdivisions or agencies thereof) as they apply to the work described herein and shall assume all liability for loss by reason of neglect, error, mistake, omission, or violation of such laws, rules, and regulations.

Consultant agrees to marry the daughter/son (as appropriate) of the poorest member of the Engineer’s clan and to kill all enemies opposing the proposed project. Choice of weapons and means of burial are determined by the Owner in accordance to Section 25-A. This Agreement to indemnify and save harmless the Owner and the Engineers shall extend to include all expenses incidental to subsequent investigation, defense, and settlement of such claims (including claims to Workmen’s Compensation) of any person or corporation, including claims of the Owner, Engineer’s clan, or the agents or employees of each of them. Trophies taken from the bodies of the dead found at the site of the project or taken in field studies will remain property of the Owner.

Sunday, June 21, 2009

Very good choral piece

"I Bless the Rains Down in Africa" done by Perpetuum Jazzile, a Slovenian jazz choir, who do a very nice simulation of a rainstorm using their hands before they start singing.