What a great t-shirt!

What a great t-shirt!

Dear dogs and cats....

Dear Dogs and Cats:

• When I say "Move!" it means to go someplace else, not just to switch positions with each other so there are still two of you in the way.
• The dishes with the paw print are yours and contain your food.
• The other dishes are mine and contain my food.
• Please note: placing a paw print in the middle of my plate and food does not stake a claim for it becoming your food and dish, nor do I find that aesthetically pleasing in the slightest.
• The stairway was not designed by NASCAR and is not a racetrack.
• Beating me to the bottom is not the object.
• Tripping me doesn't help because I fall faster than you can run.
• I cannot buy anything bigger than a king-sized bed.
• I am very sorry about this.
• Do not think I will continue sleeping on the couch to ensure your comfort.
• Dogs and cats actually curl up in a ball when they sleep.
• It is not necessary to sleep perpendicular to each other stretched out to the fullest extent possible.
• I also know that sticking tails straight out and having tongues hanging out the other end to maximize space is nothing but sarcasm.
• For the last time, there is not a secret exit from the bathroom.
• If by some miracle I beat you there and manage to get the door shut, it is not necessary to claw, whine, meow, try to turn the knob, or get your paw under the edge and try to pull the door open.
• I must exit through the same door I entered. Also, I have been using the bathroom for years; canine or feline attendance is not mandatory.
• The proper order is kiss me, then go smell the other dog or cat's butt! I cannot stress this enough.

To pacify you, my dear pets, I have posted the following message on our front door:

RULES FOR NON-PET OWNERS WHO VISIT AND LIKE TO COMPLAIN ABOUT OUR PETS

1. They live here. You don't.
2. If you don't want their hair on your clothes, stay off the furniture. (That's why they call it 'fur'niture.)
3. I like my pets a lot better than I like most people.
4. To you, it's an animal. To me, he/she is an adopted son/daughter who is short, hairy, walks on all fours, and doesn't speak clearly.

Dear dogs and cats....

Pornstar or Potato?

An exciting game and moderately SFW, too! No parts are actually exposed.

Pornstar or Potato?

Watch out for this man! (not kidding)

If you are in the greater Seattle area, you should keep an eye out for this man. He's charming, he's fascinating, and he's got an impressive and colorful history. I know him and a number of his victims personally. I'm pleased to see that people are adding up the stories about him.

It's looking like a lot of his chickens are finally coming home to roost, but I'm sorry that he's still running around loose. Oh, well, not forever.

Watch out for this man! (not kidding)

A good quote to start the week with

It's late and I'm up working on manuals. I have Robert Schimmel on in the background: he's a comedian I'm very fond of who survived cancer and major life upheaval and is back performing. He's awfully funny and very real.

He closed his show with this lovely quote: "Life is not about learning to survive the storm. Life is about learning to dance in the rain."

A good quote to start the week with

No, how hot has it REALLY been?

(More odd stuff at Va-Va-Voom.)

No, how hot has it REALLY been?

The crappy taxidermy photo blog

Oh.

Dear.

God.



Be sure to check out the other blog, too, which has a rather "Mondo Cane" feel to it.

The crappy taxidermy photo blog