Death found dead in his Burbank apartment

There was a discussion on a writer's forum by someone who has lost too many people in the last six months and is really angry at Death. A writer going by the online alias of Owlwhisper posted this in response as an article they want to see in the newspaper.

Death was found dead today in his Burbank apartment. He was 13.7 billion years old. The cause of death has not been announced pending an autopsy, but police investigators suggested Death died of natural causes, murder, suicide, various Acts of God, and swine flu.

"He kept to himself and was very quiet," said a neighbor who declined to be identified. "I didn't hear anything out of his place other than moans, clanking chains, and sounds of mortal coils being shuffled. Nothing unusual at all."

Old Age, younger brother of Death, was contacted and issued a statement that there would be a funeral. No date has been set, Old Age indicated, because the family wants the arrangements to be perfect. "After all," he said, "it's the last funeral we'll ever do."

In addition to his direct family, Death leaves seven billion survivors.

Death found dead in his Burbank apartment